As I opened the door and walked into my empty house, the memories of the past 22 years raising my sons and the echoes of their voices filled my soul. My eyes welled with tears as I knew I was standing at a fork in the road of my life…
I had a choice to make: 1) Do I succumb to the sadness and curl up in bed in the fetal position, playing the last 22 years over and over again in my head, wondering how and why the time went by so quickly? or 2) Do I heed the vow that I made to myself at age 16 when I witnessed my mother go to bed for 6 weeks after my sister left for college?
The memory of my mother suffering terribly after my sister left the “nest” and the vow that I made to myself to not be like her snapped me back to reality and my decision was clear. I was going to find a way through the sadness and emptiness and craft a meaningful and fulfilling life for myself in this new phase of my life.
I’d be lying if I said it was easy. It’s so shocking when suddenly you no longer are needed to make lunches, help with homework, drive to and from activities. I missed the nightly dinner table conversations, or the deep talks we would have while in the car. The ache in my heart was palpable. But I was not going to let it stop me.
Rather than wallowing in my empty nest misery, I made a conscious decision to find something to fill my empty calendar. I had always wanted to make pottery. So now that I was no longer needed to ferry my children to activities, I signed up for classes at our local Ceramic League.
The feel of wet clay in my hands was not only a revelation, but it was therapeutic and fun. I loved creating from a mound of mud, never knowing how the pieces would turn out. This new found hobby not only filled my free time, it filled my heart with joy and new found fun.
I realized that the Empty Nest actually is a land of opportunity — to try things you put aside while raising your children..to find new interests and a renewed sense of purpose your life. While you may grieve the loss of the day to day raising of your children, you also have a whole second half of your life to fill with new activities.
And your children are watching…
I never wanted my children to experience the fear and pain that I experienced when my mother went to bed after my sister went to college. Instead, I wanted to be an example to my children of how to rock the second half of your life, so that they not only would not need to worry about me, but also would see how to age gracefully and with fun.
I’ve been in this Empty Nest journey for quite a few years, and while I no longer am making pottery, I found a new creative outlet during the COVID pandemic.
As a full-time practicing attorney, I was working from home and, as I’ve done for my entire life, drawing aimlessly on any piece of paper I could get my hands on. I called them “doodles,” since I had no training as an artist. (I believed my 6th grade art teacher who told me I had no artistic talent!) One day, while listening to a deposition, I decided to buy some art pens and art paper, and turn my “doodles” into small art prints. I made several of them and showed them to my husband, who told me I should sell them.
After several months of being told that I should sell my drawings, I decided to launch a website and an Instagram page, never really thinking anything would come of it. Well, it’s been quite a journey!! I started getting solicited by galleries to exhibit my artwork, and since 2022 my artwork has been exhibited in London, Madrid, Innsbruck, New York and Miami.
So here is my point…you don’t need to be artistic to find fun and meaning in the Empty Nest years. Rather than sit on the couch and cry for days, cry for a short time and start planning how to rock the second half of your life. Take the time to focus on what and who YOU want to be when you grow up! And I’m here to help you make that plan. As a coach for Midlife Women, I’d love to cheer you on during your Empty Nest journey. You can reach me at julie@juliewaas.com